The maid of honor just puked.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
