im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
