She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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