she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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