I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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