Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
