Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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