Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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