fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
