I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
