Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
