I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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