i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
