Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My feet surprised me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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