as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
