if only i could text you this smell
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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