never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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