Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
