I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
