Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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