if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have post one night stand depression
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
