I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
