I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's never too late to be topless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Randomize
