i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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