sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
