Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sober January is a disaster.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
3 2 1 whiskey
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
