I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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