I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize