Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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