if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap