remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE