either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
