its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!