He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
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He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.