How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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