Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
