yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
