the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
