This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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