My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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