I accidentally burped into my bong.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
