I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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