I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
