Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
