Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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