I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
