It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
