if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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