don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
