I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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