Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
