you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
