There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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