I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
