remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
