He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
