maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
