i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone came in the potted fern
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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