I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
