i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
