so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
