ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
