nut hugger
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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