Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
