i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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