i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
