So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
