I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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