toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
