you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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