if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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