I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I touched a dick in church today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
