come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
