Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
