I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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