Little spoons don't ask big questions
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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