when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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