O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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