I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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